Fitting In

Someone said to me the other day "I don't fit in." That made me think....Fit into what? Who's definition? Why are we always trying to "fit" somewhere? Who said we have to "fit in"?

I don't "fit in" - never felt I have. I tried for years, made myself miserable. One day I finally realized I am me, take me or leave me. Do I look like everyone else? dress like everyone else? know the same things? NO and I don't need to do any of that. I look like me - yes, I try to improve on it, but you get what you get. I dress so I'm comfortable. If I knew everything everyone else did, we'd have nothing to talk about, nothing to learn. I have lots of friends. Some are passing through, some I'll have forever. Those forever friends are the closest I've come to "fitting in" with other people. We fit together because we accept who we are. There's a place out there where I am comfortable no matter what, a place I enjoy all the time. No, not a utopia, just a place I accept, that accepts me, we both have our flaws and that's okay. This mentality is hard to acheive and must be renewed constantly or I fall back into the trap. I just have to remember: "I am who the hell I am."

Job hunting....

I have serious ADD when it comes to job hunting. Bleh. At home I get distracted by the pets or cheesy daytime TV (sad, huh?). So I take the lappy out to a cafe with free wifi (gotta love free). No pets, no TV. Now I'm distracted by the pretty sky -- beautiful blue with fun clouds today. HAHA!! And there's always email.........

Now I can watch it rain while still watching my blue sky and pretty clouds :) At least the humidity paid off for something!

Murphy's Law

Doesn't it figure. I perfectly planned evening -- 2 events with friends -- just slowly goes crazy. It started by me adding another thing to do (helped a friend at the gym). No worries, got to the gym, spotted him, chatted while lifting, changed and on my way to the first event. My car had a different idea. First my CD seemed to skip. Hmm...ok, take out CD. Then the radio skipped! EEEKK! That is not a good sign. As I impatiently waited at stop lights revving the engine in neutral, I figured out my plan of attack. Get to gas station (needed gas anyway). Called my friend I just helped at the gym to get the car jumped so I could get to Checkers. I will plug the Checkers at 19th Ave & Northern -- Rob, the Assistant Mgr -- was extremely helpful and even installed my new battery! Needless to say after all that I missed my first event :( Got to the second one and was able to relax some and visit with my friends. Looking back at my timeline, if I hadn't gone to the gym I would've been stuck on Thomas Road waiting forever for AAA to come jump my car. So, I guess Murphy has some method to his madness......

Train, Plane and Automobile

After 18 hours I finally made it home last night! Starting with the Septa train to 30th Street Station - when we get there Amtrak doesn't show our reservation! Continental had long hold times due to all the cancellations; I ended up buying two new Amtrak tickets just to make sure we go to Newark Airport. From Amtrak to the AirTrain - easy monorail from the train station to the terminals; I'll have to remember how easy that was for future trips.

We think - Finally! at the airport, we are home free! Wrong. The delay starts with 15 min, then 30, then an hour... The windshield of the plane needed to be replaced. Ugh. So we wait and wait and wait.....2.5 hours later the windshield is in and we're ready to go! Woo-hoo! NOW we're home free and I can still make it to Martini Monday! .... wrong again. As we get to AZ there are lots and lots of clouds then the announcement - storms directly over the airport, field is closed, we are circling 15 minutes. 20 minutes later, we are diverted to Tucson for fuel. Sigh. While refueling, the PHX airport is once again closed for thunderstorms. Over an hour later the announcement came -- take our seats, we're leaving NOW. Another 15 minutes goes by and we finally take off!! Yay!!

Back to Phoenix! Off to get my car, then grab some food - though Continental still serves a meal, I question it's food value LOL - drop off mom and get my dog. A quick drive through rain soaked Valley streets and I'm home!!! Whew! What a long day :) At least the wine comes soon........ :D

Stuck in PHL

So, those really cool summer thunderstorms caused delays at the Philadelphia airport. :| Here I sit at the Hampton Inn Airport hotel room and putz around the internet. Sadly we had to turn in our car and the only thing in walking distance is a Ruby Tuesdays - well, at least we have food and BEER! Tomorrow I have the grand adventure of taking SEPTA to AMTRAK to Newark Airport then finally a direct flight home. Oh boy, it's Monday and a commuter train to Newark! Ugh.

Summer Thunder

The temperature drops 10+ degrees. The thunder rolls over the treetops, lightning flashes. The wind sings through the trees. Here comes the rain - strong, steady, straight downpour. Love the smell of rain. Mmmmm.....summer thunderstorms.
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WOW! That was a big clap of thunder!!!! The kitty is hiding and puppy hasn't gone far from me or slept much lately.
That one SHOOK the house!!! Hope the power doesn't go out! Better go find the flashlight........

Cool Summer Nights

You know, when it’s not ridiculously humid it’s pretty damn nice outside at night in PA. Here I sit on my friend’s deck with the smell of grilled chicken lingering, crickets chirping, lightning bugs flashing, and stars in the sky. Yes, I’m far enough out that’s it’s nice and dark and you can actually see the stars. Not tiny glimmers in between city lights, but bright beautiful stars. Look, straight ahead, it’s the Big Dipper.

The brightest light out here right now is the computer. I’m sure a moth or two will join me soon. The dog is hanging out at my feet. Once again I get the urge to go camping. This weather is the best to camp in - warm enough during the day and cool enough at night – perfect for a campfire.

My house in Phoenix is quiet, but this quiet is different. Here you can relax and think. Ponder life, either yours or the lightning bug’s. Once in a great while you hear a car from Rt. 23 or an airplane on the way to Philadelphia.

I really should get some sleep so I can get up and workout before it gets hot. It’s just too darn nice out. Ooop, there’s a bug, not a moth, but some other bug who likes my light. Guess I’ll ponder what I want to do when I grow up……….
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PS. I just came in the house and there is a weird moth creature on the door. It’s yellow and purple!!! Look:

Rain

My plans to lounge at the pool with a beer have been thwarted. I forgot that on the east coast when they predict rain it usually rains. Though I must admit it was nice to wake up to the sound of a light rain. Ah well, my pool plans are changed for the day. I will enjoy the cool weather instead - I believe the high for today is 69 degrees! Phoenix is predicting 101 degrees. Hmm...I think I'll sit back and enjoy the rain for a day :)

Road Trips

I enjoy road trips. Why I don't do them more often I have no idea. The best road trip is on a day with blue sky, a few clouds, sunshine and green all around. Yesterday I drove from New York Finger Lakes Region to Pennsylvania. It's about the same amount of time driving from Phoenix to LA. It's much nicer on this side of the country. Here I had farms, forests and small towns to look at along the way. Back west I have desert, desert and more desert. Yes, I'll order blue sky, a few clouds, sunshine and green when I take a road trip :) Alright, I won't always get what I want, but I can dream can't I?

Finger Lakes Region New York

Today I spent the day enjoying cloudy times, sunny times, lots of wine and most of all cool temperatures! I live in Phoenix however am on vacation in the Finger Lakes Region of NY therefore the cool temps are a blessing during the summer. Today I started in Rochester NY and drove through Canadaigua stopping to enjoy the art & music festival, then headed to Penn Yan, Dundee and landed in Watkins Glen.

It's July. That usually means warm temps and humidity. There wasn't any humidity to speak of today and I didn't see a temp reading over 73! I loved it!!!! In fact, I was chilly enough to buy a fleece jacket tonight :) It feels like September.

Now I am at the Seneca Lodge. As I walked from the bar (mmm...Yuengling) to my room I could see the stars clearly, hear people laughing and enjoying the night, feel the chill in the air and smell a campfire. It's so relaxing. I sat on the porch of my motel room, closed my eyes and just breathed in the smell and cool air. Now I want to go camping :)

And I've confirmed I have little will power when it comes to wine......I've already purchased more than a case to ship back to AZ!! Tomorrow I head to Bully Hill winery and more purchases :D

PS
If anyone --not from NY-- can pronounce Canadiagua and Keuka, I'll buy you a drink! No cheating and looking it up ;) LOL

Out of the Darkness Overnight 2007

Starting in February I trained for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Out of the Darkness Overnight walk. This 20-mile walk was in NYC this year. This foundation is not as well known as many others - I had many people say "Really? there's a foundation for that?" Yes, there is. Out of the Darkness is a yearly event to help raise funds and awareness about depression and suicide. Topics most people don't want to talk about but we have to admit it is out there. 2000 people participated in the walk. Within those 2000 was a small team of 5 called Strong Faithful Footprints.

Part of our group (our team of 5 had a group of 10 that weekend) arrived in NYC June 8 on the red-eye from Phoenix. Unfortunately not all our hotel rooms were ready at 7am. We proceeded to Starbucks (one on every corner in NYC!) and breakfast. Then took a walk. Two members of our group had never been to the city so we had lots to see. We started on 5th Avenue (stores still weren't open yet) then went into Central Park. Central Park really is a beautiful slice of green among the cement of the city. Wandering back down 5th Avenue we stopped in a few stores such as Tiffany's just for fun. Tired and wanting showers, we headed back to the first hotel - 2 rooms were ready. After a nap, I headed to my hotel - The Salisbury Hotel - where my room was finally ready.

Anyone who has been to NYC knows a hotel room in Manhattan is bigger than a breadbox but smaller than a Motel 6 unless you have lots of $$ to spend. I recommend The Salisbury Hotel to anyone going to the city. The hotel is older and doesn't have fancy marble counters and a lounge or restaurant but it's clean and has charm. I had a 1-room suite for the 5 members of the group staying there. Though the elevators were small and room service was delivery from nearby restaurants, our room was huge and we were down the street from Carnegie Hall, 2 blocks from Central Park, and 12 blocks from Times Square.

After a nice long shower, I headed to meet the team for dinner and a Broadway show - The Lion King. I highly recommend this show to anyone heading to NYC. The costumes were incredible, the acting great, and they sets fascinating. As an old stagehand from high school, I was enthralled by the entire production and how smoothly it ran. I would still love to get back to the theatre and see how it all works.

Saturday, June 9 - walk day. Most of the team took the day slow and didn't do much with the walk that night. We met for lunch and consoled Betty who caught a stomach bug that morning! She, our captain, was determined to walk come hell or high water. We went back to our rooms for naps and to get ready. Meeting a 5pm we hit the subway and headed to Pier 16 at the South Street Seaport. There we checked in then we waited and waited and waited and waited. After an emotional opening ceremony 2000 people started the walk (it was about 8:30pm). The route started through the Financial District, went through the Village and headed to Midtown and went through Times Square. Well, that will be reassessed for next year! We hit just as the theatres let out -- OMG, I've never seen that many people at one time! Now I no longer have the desire to go to Times Square for New Year's Eve! We head to the Upper West Side past Central Park -- it's a bit creepy at night. Through Harlem where people waved from their windows then we headed west on 145th Street (yes, that's 1 4 5 street) to the Riverbank State Park - the turn around point of the walk. After a short break, we headed south on Riverview, past Columbia University, back past the Upper West Side and into the Hudson River Park. It was really starting to get long by then especially for Betty who had a tour of several NYC gutters during the walk :( Once back in the Financial District we cut back over to Pier 16 and the finish. Crossing under the balloons was another very emotional moment (it was about 5:40am). Betty and I went to get our luminaries. She lit one for Jim, her husband. I lit one for 3 friends and the ones they lost.

Now, I wear a Garmin Forerunner when walking to track pace, mileage, etc. According to my GPS, the "mid-point" was a 12.26 miles. When we finished our 20-mile walk, my GPS said 22.71. I had it on pause for about .25 miles in Times Square! Oops!! so I think it was closer to 23 even. Hmmmm....I think they need to measure the course again and count the times we have to zig zag back and forth a block or two. :)

We took a taxi home and I slept till 1pm that day. I got up and my legs were tired but I was still in NYC and wanted to do stuff. The group from my room wandered to Central Park where three of us headed into the park to take pictures. We got some cool shots of the park, the carousel, NYPD throughout the park and then headed out to 5th Avenue. We stopped at St Patrick’s and discovered we could go inside for more pictures! I then headed off to Brooklyn to visit one of my closest friends and his family.

Monday was our last day there. A few of us headed to Ground Zero and Battery Park. The day was beautiful! After Ground Zero we checked out the American Express memorial then got lunch while watching over the harbor. We leisurely headed around from the World Financial Center to Battery Park. Heading back to Midtown so Jas could get to the airport and Betty and I could meet the others at the bar (Yay! NYC bars have Yuengling!). I meet another good friend for sushi that night. I had a wonderful time as usual hanging out with him. After dinner I ended up meeting Betty and the rest at the Empire State Building. Wow! It was cool to see the view at night!

Tuesday we headed home. I was on a different flight out of LGA. Just as we were pulling from the gate and got in line for take off, everyone was grounded for weather......for 3 hours. Ugh. Missed my connection in Atlanta and ended up overnight there. I finally got home Wednesday morning with enough time to get lunch at Gecko Grill (very yummy in Gilbert), pick up my puppy and unpack. What a weekend! It was fun, emotional and wonderful! There is still so much of NYC I want to see. Guess another vacation is on the way! :)

Who wants to join us for next year's walk? There are 2 next year -- one in NYC and one in Seattle. We're thinking Seattle.....

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)

Thanks to all of you, I raised $1435 for the AFSP. My team raised a total of $7590!

Attached below is some more information on how your donation will be used.

About the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:

AFSP is the only national not-for-profit organization funding research and education programs needed to prevent suicide, and assisting family members after this tragedy. The foundation's activities include:

* Supporting research that is improving our understanding of suicide and its prevention. Since 2000, AFSP has invested 6.6 million dollars in new studies, including research into treatments for people who are depressed and suicidal.

* Providing education and information about depression and suicide to professionals, the media and the public through workshops, trainings, the AFSP website, videos, publications, brochures and public service announcements. AFSP's PSA, "Suicide Shouldn't be a Secret" has reached 88 million television viewers.

* Publicizing the magnitude of the problems of depression and suicide, advocating for polices and legislation that can help prevent suicide and working to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide.

* Offering programs for survivors of suicide loss that can be of assistance and involving survivors in suicide prevention. AFSP survivor initiatives include the National Survivors of Suicide Day Program, which was broadcast to 112 communities last year and was simulcast on the AFSP website, the Survivor e-Network and trainings for survivor support group facilitators.

For more information about AFSP or how funds from the Out of the Darkness Overnight will make a difference, download AFSP's annual report or visit www.afsp.org.

Evils of Corporate Live - Part 6

Well, it quit being fun, so I quit. Technically I was "displaced" which is a fancy way to say laid off. We just had another reorg -- second one in just under 2 years. I've been with my company for 16+ years. I've survived 5 reorgs with layoffs -- it was #6 that got me. I was ready. Some people were shocked there were displacements. I wasn't as the original talk of of a reorg was months ago. There seems to be a pattern -- any reorg that takes more than 2 months to formally announce will include lay offs. Lay offs are a fact of corporate life. The day you retire from the first company you work for is long gone. Many folks tried and tried to understand the senior leadership's way of thinking. They stressed and stressed over it. Nothing worth stressing over -- their decisions are out of our circle of influence. Now the company is in the usual pattern -- post lots of positions, get new leaders in place, get new teams built, keep pushing out the project. I know many people once again took the severance package and are out the door. Once again I think they underestimated the number who would leave. Once again the reorg will result in a big shuffle of staff across the board.

Not only was I ready for the displacements to be announced, I was ready to be displaced. I've been burnt out for over a year. I can now take some time off to decide what I want to do when I grow up (do we ever really grow up?). It was interesting to see that it took 4 boxes to pack up 16 years of my life. I will go through those boxes once again at home and narrow it down further. 16 years = 4 boxes. It was interesting to look through things and see the roads my life took over the years. It's all good.

"I'm a thankful man for every turn
On every highway I've been down
Every mile I've lost, every crossroad stop
Every storm that turned me around
Oh, it's better than I could have planned
It's made me who I am
It's a good life; it's a real good life
And I'm a thankful man"

My Birthday Week(s)

Yes, I said week(s) :) I feel that after a while a birth'day' just doesn't cut it.....the day thing with presents & cake one day doesn't do it justice. I believe we should concentrate on being with people we care about and enjoying our lives. I also believe our birthdays are our days -- our special days, our real New Year. I make any "resolutions" at my birhtday not New Years. Though, to be honest, I don't make resolutions anymore... as Jimmy Buffet says:
Yes, I'll make a resolution
That I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun

Anyway......my birthday week started with a wine & cheese party at my house the Saturday before. I had a small group of friends over. As it was a wine & cheese party, I must say Peter has the most creative present this year: he brought me a bag of cheese: English cheese, French cheese Danish cheese and to top it off, 2 slices of American cheese & a bag of Cheese Nips -- aka...hard cheese :) It was hilarious!! We decided to use the American Cheese as a test to ensure anyone driving home was able....if you can open a slice, you can drive home :) LOL!! Toni brought me the first part of my present (she really embraced the whole week thing) -- heart shaped ice cube trays. The trays are unusual as they are rubber -- they're great - easiest ice cube trays I've ever used! We all had a good night, talking, wine tasting, laughing and just enjoying each others company.

Tuesday night - my actual bday - I had dinner with 8 of my friends. It's an eccelctic group of people. We always have a good time just being ourselves and having a few hours of "girl" time :) I picked Via Delosantos for my bday dinner - a great place for margaritas :) Toni brought me the rest of my present - yay! shopping! Jen also contributed to my upcoming shopping trips. And I received a bottle of Baileys (Laura knows me so well!)....mmm..the best coffee cream ever :D We finished at least 3 pitchers of margartias (I lost count there however am pretty sure I had 5 glasses!). It was a beautiful Phoenix night, we enjoyed the weather and great company.

The next night I had my traditional birthday sushi at Akaihana (aka Mr Sushi). Santos made my birthday uni shooter (alcohol & uni, how can you go wrong?) then Nichelle, Kurt and I feasted on the best sushi in Phoenix. A great part of this night was the fact one of my best friends came to celebrate my birthday and spend the evening with me - one of my favorite gifts this year. Meanwhile, Nichelle gets a special prize for coming to all 3 events! We all had a great evening talking, catching up, laughing & enjoying great company.

Tonight - a week + later - I had yet one more birthday dinner (sushi of course!). I just spent a wonderful evening with Josh & Teri catching up and once again feasting on sushi. We haven't just hung out for a while. Josh has been busy with the American Heart Association's '07 Heart Walk (great event, wonderful cause -- watch for it in 2008!). Both have been busy planning their upcoming wedding (44 days left!). The evening was relaxing and fun.

All during my birthday week(s) out of state friends and family called me or sent cards. It's a happy time to get the mail and hear my phone ring. S.Scott called me on my birthday -- that receives special mention because it's rare he remembers ON the day.

Of course, I'm not done yet :) Next week I'm going to Pennsylvania to visit close friends & relax. That Friday it's all about the girls as Pam & I are having a spa day. Mmmmmm.......massage, facial, mani, pedi......ahhhhhh.....a great way to relax :)

All my celebrations just go to show how rich I am -- rich in friendship. Life isn't much without friends and family. So, on those rough days that are sure to come here and there during the year, I will look back on the last few weeks, remember how much fun it's been, remember my friends who shared the time with me and smile.

Moments of Clarity

friendship....have fun, enjoy them they could fade, don't let other people influence how you feel about someone

life...have fun, enjoy it, don't let stupid things take over