Airplane thoughts

The other night a very good friend told me I'm bitter. I didn't like hearing that. Especially because I feel I try not to be. Everyone can be bitter at times, usually right after something stupid happens in his or her life. The key is to not retain that bitterness. But it seems I've retained the bitterness. My friend will be providing me more feedback on this topic -- he just doesn't know it yet. I want to fix it. In the meantime, I had a 4-hour plane ride to think about life.

There are many milestones in life such as the obvious ones like birthdays (16, 21, 30, etc), graduations, marriage, births, deaths, and so on. My parents divorced when I was 7; I was part of the "latch key" generation. I was married in 1995. My stepfather died in 1994, his father soon after, my maternal grandfather in 1996, my paternal grandmother in 2002 and maternal grandmother in 2003. I remember my 16th birthday fondly, my 21st birthday was not what you're thinking (but not bad!), my 30th was spent moving into my first house, and my 35th was spent with wonderful friends at a party hosted by my best friend. High school graduation was bittersweet. College graduation came too soon (2 year degree). This year will mark 15 years with American Express.

Then there are the not so obvious ones such as the day or moment when you have a revelation and make a change in your life. I finally decided to live my life to be happy, not to satisfy everyone else. Imagine that, taking care of me. Sadly, this revelation led to a not so happy milestone.... divorce. A book I'm reading gives the statement "it is better to have a good divorce than a bad marriage." Some of you reading this may not agree and we can discuss points of view if you'd like. However, having now lived through my own and being a child of divorced parents, I now totally understand that statement.

That was a year ago. Over the last year I've had a "metamorphosis" as I was told last night. My friends tell me I look good, am more confident and am stronger than I was before. (I have good friends :)) The metamorphosis statement comes from the things I do now -- some new, some old just with more availability. Things like: traveling more often, going to the beach, planning visits with my family, drinking beer, and eating sushi! A few friends of many years fell over when I told them I like beer and sushi. This comes from one who cringed at the smell of beer and thought anything that swam should not be eaten. I've also made some new friends and strengthened some old friendships.

Many years ago, S.Scott told me "college is the Pause button on the VCR of life." I think I hit Pause back then and the VCR ate the tape. I've moved on to a DVD.... it may be a bit scratched but it still plays.