More thoughts about choices

I made a choice many years ago to get married. It wasn't the right choice. I ended up hurting myself and him. I'm no longer married.

Did I learn from that choice? Yes. Lots. I became who I am now. What doesn't break me makes me stronger. Well, it made me stronger.

Am I happy now? Essentially, yes. I am enjoying life again. I see my friends and family regularly again. I am doing things I've always wanted to do such as learn guitar and karate. I am challenging myself in ways I wouldn't have tried before such as training for a marathon. So, essentially, yes. Why then not just a resounding "Yes!"? There are still things missing.

Many ask me when I'll get married again. I don't know if I will. Not because I don't want to rather because I don't know if I'll find that person. I know what I'm looking for now. Is that person out there? I know he is.

What do I want? I want someone who....
....I can trust
....loves me for who I am
....I love for who he is
....I enjoy his company
....I can go out with or just stay home
....if we're sitting around bored, that's ok
....I am comfortable with
....respects me
....cares about me and about himself
....cares about family and friends
....wants to enjoy life
....still believes in romance
....makes me smile
....I make smile
....I can laugh with
....makes me want to do anything for him
....fills me with such emotion I feel as if I'll overflow
As the song says: "I want a man who stands beside me, not in front of or behind me...two arms that want to hold me, not own me"

Will find him? or he find me? I don't know. Am I too picky now? No. I tell all my friends to be picky. Make sure that person is who you want to spend your life with.

I am learning to live with the missing piece. There are days when it brings me down however those are appearing less and less. Sometimes I think I missed him while I was married. Doesn't seem fair, but may be true.

Or maybe it's just not time and I still have things to learn. I like that thought more.